Over Coming My Battle Of Suicidal Thoughts Part 2

224836_111064548977426_6924784_nI wondered to myself how could people be so harsh and evil . Why was I the butt of everyone’s joke?  These people didn’t even take the time out to get to know me. Everything happened so fast , I didn’t even have time to react to the situation and I didn’t even want to . Because the truth of the matter was these people were going continue to do the something.  I ran into the girl’s  bathroom and locked myself in the stall waiting for the bell to ring for me to get dismissed.  I didn’t even bother to tell , my counselor  what happened because all they were going tell me to do  “Is to grow a tough skin , welcome to the real world and I couldn’t control people and their mouth”.  I was tired of hearing that same fucking speech ! How are you going tell me to grow a tough skin when I’m getting bullied ! The bell rung and only thing I could think of was me having to face these same people who made fun of me . I whipped my eyes , and tried to prepare myself but right when opened the door. All I heard was laughter , right there at that very moment everything was in slow motion. I walked with my head held down , and walked out the building of the school .  Telling myself I would never be shit , and I was worthless. That I didn’t have a purpose on this earth , and I should just take my life.

I actually started to believe these people and what they were telling me . My ride home was a one of the slowest rides in my life . My dad could sense something was wrong with me , and  he asked me “Was I ok “?  Of coursed I lied and said yes , but if your connected to your child you can pick up when something  isn’t right so he asked me again and before he could finish his sentence . I just broke down crying and explaining to him everything that happened. My dad told me “To hold on tight” , as I glance over to look at my dad with tears in my eyes my dad was pushing 90 miles per hour. Before I knew it I was right back on school grounds , I begged my dad not to cause a disturbance and just let it go . All that was going do was add more fuel to the fire , but he insisted that was the best thing to do and he went into the school and pulled the young girl out , and threated her. The school board got involved , and it was a possibility I wouldn’t be able to attend that school anymore. The cops even got in involved it was a mess.   All I could think of was nothing was going get solved , and he was wasting his time . Trying to come up with a solution to the problem, I was the only one that had the solution to my problem .  As I waited on my dad to come back to the car . I started to look to see if there was any pills in the car , lucky there wasn’t any pills in the car. Before I knew it , I looked up and my dad was knocking on the car window for me to unlock the car door .  I could tell by my father facial expression he didn’t really make any headway .  We rode home in silence , and when I got home I rushed to get inside the house .  I ran to my room slammed my door and just laid on my bed and cried . I heard my dad call my name , but I didn’t answer him. I knew it wasn’t no point of him going back up to the school . He just made the situation worst , now the kids were  defiantly going make fun of me if I hadn’t put my plan in action . My dad knocked on my bedroom door which  was unlocked , I told him to come in . He asked me ” Was I ok ” ? I looked at him , and he knew I wasn’t ok at all . My eyes were puffy , he told me he need me to come with him to get my mom from the bus stop . I told him that I would stay behind , he than again insisted that I tag along. I told my dad I just needed sometime to myself . But little did he know , when he and my mom came back home they would have found me dead in my room .


Thank-you for taking the time out to read my blog , I really appreciate the love and support . As always my mission is to help inspire others with the knowledge I have gained .  If there are any topics you would like for me to discuss or blog about please don’t hesitate to let me know. Make sure you follow this blog , and again thank-you for all the support .


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