I am writing this blog because it’s not only a form of therapy for me , but my main goal is to help anybody that has been battling and suffering from suicidal thoughts on lately or on a regular basis . I hope this message helps someone else dealing with the same pain that I have dealt with , but it’s time for me to open up so I can move on from the pain and let go, and let God.
Let me first start off by saying, YOU are beautiful in your own way and if nobody hasn’t told you that, I will. Life is such a special thing that shouldn’t be taking for granted but often time is . For various reasons , it various from person to person . I want you to know you are not alone , and many of us have had these thoughts and sad to say the pressure of life gets to hard and we give into those demonic thoughts and take our own life. I know this off-hand , because I have tried to commit suicide several times . This is a touchy topic for to discuss , even writing this is emotional for me and I remember this story like it was yesterday . It all started back in 2010 at that time I was 16 years old , and I was in the 10th grade . I suffered from many forms of bullying throughout my elementary , middle school and even in high school up until the 12th grade. I have always been a beautiful girl even despite the fact I was overweight . This was a something I dealt with for years steaming from a child . I remember I would always get singled out because of my weight , I didn’t have many friends , and my peers would always embarrass me in school and out side of school. I also was going through a lot at home and in my personal life . My parents were always there for me , and have always been there to support me but we all know that every family faces their own trails and tribulations . Which started to take a toil on me mentally , physically, and emotionally. Some situations , that I went through personally or my family went through I felt I was the blame for those thing occurring . ( I will discuss those issues later on in a different blog). I will never forget December 9, 2011 which happened to be Friday like everyday I would do my regular routine and kiss my parents and I was on my way to school . But that morning was going be the last day my parents would kiss me again . I already had everything planned out and I wrote a letter to parents the night before , explaining to them letting them know that I was throwing in the towel and I couldn’t hang on anymore. The previous week was , a very hard week for me I had enough of the bullshit (excuse my language) , and I was going put a stop to all this for once and for all. I went to school , but it was like I wasn’t there . I was so quite , just looking at the time slowly tick away. Only thing I could think about is when I arrived home , I would put my plan into action. I thought about how my parents and little brother would react . Most people who commit suicide don’t want to die—they just want to stop hurting. I was in my Physical Education Class and I remember this girl ( Which I choose to keep anonymous ) just kept on messing with me calling me a fat ass bitch, saying I would never be shit , and on top of that she pulling my pony tail off my head and said I was a bald head bitch . At that very moment , I was done I was already going through a lot . My grades where going down hill , and it was strong possibility I would have repeat 10th grade again.
I cried my eyes out and I was wondering why the lord was letting me go though this .The saying goes: ” Never Question God”. But if God loved me so much , and cared about me why would he allow me to experience this painful feeling! I felt no one understood me , and what I was going through . But it was all in God divine plan.
BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR PART 2 PLEASE SHARE AND REPOST .
Thank-you for taking the time out to read my blog , I really appreciate the love and support . As always my mission is to help inspire others with the knowledge I have gained . If there are any topics you would like for me to discuss or blog about please don’t hesitate to let me know. Make sure you follow this blog , and again thank-you for all the support .